Saturday, November 12, 2011

Half-Lady Half-Bogan!


Bitch!


In a previous life I was half-lady, half-bogan.

This was due to my upbringing in Lithgow where bogan-like activities were encouraged, nurtured and celebrated.

One bogan activity I excelled at was 'lapping'. This activity involved the skill of squeezing multitudes of friends in a car, driving up and down Main Street one-handed, chain smoking durries, and yelling out to as many people as we could see. It was today's version of networking, and in a time before Twitter and Facebook, it was the social life. It was how we found out who was 'rooting' who!


'Lapping' was a versatile activity and could be conducted any time of the year, rain, hail or shine. Winter provided the perfect opportunity to impress friends and onlookers with fishtailing around corners on icy roads. It could be done any night of the week. When you're on the dole there was never any rush to get home early. I usually slept in until 1pm, and had to set the alarm so I could get up and watch Days of Our Lives.







Now I know you are trying to imagine what a half-lady half-bogan looks like. Let me start with the hair. I guess you have visions of a mullet. No way! That was for full-blown bogans. Excuse me! I was still half-lady after all!!
My  hair was beautifully permed by my mother in a frizzy style, which was meticulously scrunched with curling mousse, and dried so it set crispy.

I wore denim up top and denim down below. It was often difficult to find the perfect match of stonewash colours as the local fashion house, Eve's Boutique, rarely stocked a matching ensemble (no doubt any matching ensembles were snapped up quickly by the local fashionistas). Often Lithgow bogans could be found going to the metropolis of Bathurst to hunt down high-end stonewash fashion.



My life as a half-lady half-bogan was a simple life, with rarely any problems. My biggest problem was working out how I could stretch my dole money so I could fund my binge drinking at the local nightclub on a Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. I solved this problem by getting drunk on $2.50 Passion Pop before I went out and preferably on an empty stomach. (It provided me with an optimum opportunity to vomit in Queen Elizabeth Park at 1am).

Aaaah the simple life.

I often wonder what happened to that half-lady half-bogan. If anyone finds her, please ask her to return my snap-crotch bodysuit! Pronto!!!!



8 comments:

  1. I thought Lithgow was the height of civilisation. In fact, the cradle of civilisation.

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  2. Lady Rebekah 'My husband is a Tronno Bogan' HolmesNovember 12, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    Hmm I'd say you might find her at the Bimbadgen Estate tonight at the 'Chisel' concert. I'm pretty sure I saw her boarding the bus when I dropped Greg and Mitch off at the station.
    There was a definite waft of 'Taft Final Net' and 'Blue Stratos' in the air.
    Tonight's forecast - Humid with a 100% chance of Flannel

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  3. Madam B, Yes! Lithgow is most definately the cradle, such wonderful people have emerged from it's depths!

    Lady Rebekah, can you please text Greg and Mitch and ask them to see whether she will hand the bodysuit over to them? You can give it to me next week. Please don't let Greg try it on though!

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  4. Lady Rebekah 'My husband is a Tronno Bogan' HolmesNovember 12, 2011 at 9:47 PM

    The text has been sent but asking Greg not to put on the bodysuit, Well that's kinda like asking the crowd to stay seated and quiet during Khe Sanh...

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  5. very difficult. Its also like asking for no lighters to be raised in the air.

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  6. Ahhh I remember the complexity of going to the loo at "The Macquarie" on a Saturday night wearing a snap crotch body suit. Crazy manouevers were required!

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  7. Especially when you had had a few and the clips didn't line up :)

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  8. Doing up the snap-crotch when absolutely pissed was a skill. I use to get to the point where I wouldn't bother doing it up, and I would just tuck it in.

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