Sunday, November 27, 2011

I'm Not Drunk

Lord Daa Doo slept on the lounge last night.

Yes. All wasn't well at Daa Doo Manor.

Lord Daa Doo went out for "a beer" last night, and came back six hours later smelling like a rotting kebab that's been marinating in a keg of beer since 1925.

I do know that in manspeak, "a beer" doesn't literally mean a singular glass of beer. I know that when menfolk say "a beer" they refer to vast quantities equivalent to 'a swimming pool of beer'.

I found being woken up by a stumbling human kebab all rather annoying, and it was enough of a reason to deprive Lord Daa Doo of any form of spooning.

Why was I so annoyed? Well here are the reasons why.

1. I'd been woken up before I'd had adequate time to digest my prey. Earlier I had consumed a large take home bucket of Cold Rock ice-cream complete with  mix-ins. I must've been overcome by the creamy sugary yumminess because I passed out on top of the covers with the light on.

2.  I thought I was being attacked by a human sized kebab.I woke up to the most horrendous thumping sound.  Lord Daa Doo was hopping, stumbling and falling around the bedroom, with one leg caught in his jeans, slurring "hello darlin".

3. He wouldn't admit he was drunk. I don't know why this happens, but when Lord Daa Doo is shitfaced he cannot admit it. I feel it is my role to tell him. He feels it's his role to deny it.

The conversation goes like this:

Me: "You're drunk!"
Him: "I'm not dwrunk"
Me: "Yes you are, look at you!!"
Him: "I'm not dwrunk"
Me: "You are!! You can't even stand straight"
Him: "I'm not dwrunk"
Me: "Just admit it!! You are!"
Him: "I'm not dwrunk"
Me: "For fuck sake!! Why can't you admit it!!
Him: "I'm not dwrunk"
Me: "GET OUT, that's it!! It's over!! The wedding's off!!!"

I know, I know. It's all a bit dramatic. I mean the poor guy just went out for a beer; he comes home a bit pissed;  and gets dumped by a crazy lady who has just overdosed on ice cream! But in my defence, no lady should ever have to tolerate being spooned by a human sized kebab.

Today all has been forgotten and forgiven. The wedding is back on, and peace has been restored at Daa Doo Manor.


  1. Tee Hee ... I'm now feeling glad that Brad declined Lord Daa Doo's invitation last night!

  2. You did say he could drink on the weekend !!

  3. I sympathise with him. My glass of wine is generally 750ml plus. ooo, wedding preps! Love a good wedding - will the groom be wearing chilli sauce? ;)
    T x

  4. Sal - Yes you have been spared a fate similar to my own.
    Dienema - well all i can say is how do you read with them glasses on?
    Miss T - hahahah I will be expecting he wear some chilli sauce or perhaps some homous will compliment my dress
    Madam B - Beer is hidden and now banned. I just haven't told him that yet.

  5. I shouldn't laugh (because laughing is painful right now), but thank you for the chuckle. I am glad The Man isn't a big drinker, the most he gets is slightly tipsy and slightly talkative, which makes a change for his normal introverted mute self. Hope you got the smell of kebab off your couch today.

  6. Thats a good point Bee. My lounge will now stink of kebab!! I might have to find somewhere else to send him next time. Perhaps he can sleep in the bathtub, that way I can hose both the bath and the man.