Saturday, November 5, 2011

Lord Daa Doo's Inventions - Part One

I share a house with a mad inventor.

The love of my life, Lord Daa Doo always comes up with inventive ways to do everyday things. These ideas are generally conceived after I have bossed him to do something he doesn't really want to do.

One of the first inventions I inspired him to create came about six months after moving into our first flat together:

Me: "I am frigging sick and tired of being the only bastard in the house that scrubs the bathroom!"

Lord Daa Doo: "I've scrubbed it too!!"

Me "When?..... Name a day or date that you have scrubbed the bathroom!!" (I can always catch him out by asking him to provide factual evidence of specific days or dates).

Lord Daa Doo: "I can't remember which date."

Me: (Happy after catching him out for not knowing the day or date) "hah! See!! You can't even remember !! It proves you never do it!!"

Lord Daa Doo: Says nothing as he knows he can't win this argument.

Me: "Your job is to scrub the bathroom! I'm going over to visit my sister" (Translation - "Your job is to the scrub the bathroom! I'm going to Westfields")

Fast forward to four hours later.

After coming back from visiting my sister's house (wink), I arrived home to hear the most horrid sound  coming from the bathroom. It sounded like a dentist was grinding down gigantic rotting elephant teeth!
I dropped the bags of clothes and shoes I had picked up from my sister (they were miraculously in original packaging and still had tags attached. I always get lots of clothes from my sister, she always buys things she doesn't need and they are coincidentally in my size).

I stomped to the bathroom, my hands were on my hips, I kicked open the door (OK. bit of exaggeration, I probably just pushed it open).
I discovered Lord Daa Doo hunched over the bath. He was using a drill with one hand. The drill had a damn scrubbing brush attached!!

He looked at me with a stupid smart arse grin, sprayed some cleaning product, and continued to drill with one hand.

Me: "What the fuck are you doing?!" 

Lord Daa Doo looked rather proud of himself. "I'm cleaning".

Lord Daa Doo had invented a great lazy way to clean the bathroom. Here's how it works.


Take one of these

Saw one of these in half and attach a bolt that can be inserted into a drill.

The result is a whiz bang super dooper speedy spinning cleaning contraption that sounds like a peewee 50.

If you are in to cleaning with one hand, and prefer to do so with a smart arse look on your face, than this is one one for you!!

Sadly, this idea never had a name, and five years later, the scrubby-drill has never been used again.  I don't know why. Perhaps it was because you had to wear industrial safety gear such as ear muffs and eye protectors. It could have been the residual feeling of vibrating that stayed in your arm and back for a week after drill-cleaning.  For a lady, I imagine it is similar to how a jack-hammer operator would feel.

The scrubby-drill is just one of Lord Daa Doo's inventions. There are many more that I will disclose in due time.

What chore or task do you wish could be made easier with an invention?


  1. An automatic bed maker!

  2. Lady Holmes-without a courtNovember 5, 2011 at 10:13 PM

    CAN NOT STOP LAUGHING! I am having flash backs to my conversation with the good Lord on the weekend and can't wipe the smile from my face! Now where's my brunch coat???

  3. An automatic bed maker!! Very good idea anon, I will give Lord Daa Doo a good old bossing and see what he comes up with.

    Lady Holmes, Lord Daa Doo was suitably impressed with your interest in his pictures of food. I think that is a blog in itself. Hope you get a court soon!!

  4. I rememebr when Little Lord Fauntleroy was just starting out with a pinball machine made from wood, nails and a couple of rubber bands. Or the Anti Magpie Ice Cream Bucket/Hat or the time he experimented on a kid up the street to make him eat chilli....or......well you get the idea.

  5. Sounds interesting !! I would love to hear more about the chilli-kid experiment!

  6. A fitted sheet folder please!

  7. Amie, if Lord Daa Doo could invent something to fold those bastard fitted sheets!! We would be able to upgrade from a manor to a castle!! Rich Rich!!

  8. Oh good lord, we must be related! Mr Bond did the same thing with a wire bottle brush when he had to clean 70 largie bottles to make home brew.
    The lengths they go to just to avoid a little physical labour!

  9. Oh nice one Erin!! They do go to extreme lengths! In my opinion, it would take less physical labour to just get in and clean it. In the time Lord Daa Doo went to buy all the stuff and then put it all together, he could've had it cleaned hours previously!