Thursday, December 8, 2011

Dirty Diana

Diana sent me an email today by mistake. Initially I thought it was spam. I thought it was an attempt to potentially gain access to my personal information. I was wrong.  I showed Lord Daa Doo, and he admitted he had also received the exact same email from Diana. I read the email again.
The email is convincing and well written. Diana is a lawyer and is obviously sincere and smart, so why did she send it to me? Well I believe she simply sent it to me by mistake. She must have been having a bad day or a 'blonde' moment because she also mistakenly sent exactly the same email to Lord Daa Doo.

I read the email again, and it slowly dawned on me!! Dirty Diana is back!!! And this time she is coming down under to steal my man!!

Here's the email:

Hello Mr !!! 
I know that this letter will a surprise for you. I would try explain to you. I was asking the agency to find a man for a serious relationship. They gave me email address. And so I write to you now.
I'm Diana.  I was born in Poland. But now I live in London. I'm a lawyer. I like my job, It's very interesting and communicative it gives me confidence in myself. I am very sociable girl. I never was married and no have a kids. My friends say about me that sometimes I talk too much. But I love to speak. I like read books, play sports : Basketball and Tennis. My height 175 cm. My weight 57 kg. Eyes - brown. hair color-light brown. I had a long relationship with a man over 4 years ago. But he  deceive me. I did not want such a relationship. I want a man in whose eyes I see the sincerity and honesty. I need a responsible man. Now you know a little about me. If you are interested please contact me on my personal e-mail.

Here is my email address -

I'll have a vacation in 4 weeks. And I plan to visit Australia. I never was in this country. And it is interesting to me to know all about Australia. I want meet 2012 in Australia.

I would love to see your letter. Please tell me about yourself. Your hobby, interests? I'm curious to know all about you.

And I will send my pictures to you in answer on your mail.

With the best regards.


Now I have heard of and seen this harlot before (only from the waist down). I know she caused much trouble to my beloved Michael Jackson and was the source of many problems in his relationships. The last time I saw Dirty Diana she was prowling around in the late 80's, walking through puddles in smoky back alleys. She was also seen hanging around backstage doors hoping to hook up with The Band. I didn't realise she ended up going to law school and like read books! I'm sorry she ended up in a bad relationship with a man  who deceived her, but now she is free and no have a kids.

Apparently for the last two decades she has made her way around the world, and after leaving London, it seems the next conquest on her list is Australia.

Next year is the Dirty Diana Down Under Tour 2012

 Get the TShirt!

So ladies, you have been warned ! It's fact! I've received and read the email!!! Dirty Diana is heading to our shores next year! In four weeks time!!!

Once Dirty Diana is in Australia, she can stealth and disappear in any back alley,  there is no knowing where she will show up.
Sydney? Melbourne? Brisbane? Perth? Cardiff? Tamworth? Glenrowan? Cessnock? Toronto? Stockton? Grafton? Lake Munmorah? Islington? Charlestown?

If you are not certain of what she looks like, she is easily recognisable by the big gap between her legs which always catches the light. She can also be heard screeching over the phone "He's not coming back because he's sleeping with me!!"

Our menfolk are not safe, so it's important to be aware of some of the symptoms that indicate Dirty Diana has been around, and infected your man.

If your man starts to show these symptoms, immediate action must be taken!

  • Take a look at his head. If his hair suddenly grows long and is teased and fuzzy, you know she's had her dirty claws in him. 
  • Check his trousers, if they suddenly become tight and turn into leather,  it's a sure sign of Dirty Diana activity. 
  • Check his chest, if a strong gust of wind starts to blow, his top suddenly rips in half, exposes his chest, and flaps in the wind. It is the dirty work of Diana.

If one of the above are evident than you still have hope. A quick squirt of hospital strength bleach rubbed into his groin area should neutralise any of the Dirty Diana effects.

If however, all of the above are evident and your man starts to thrust his pelvis and play air-guitar. I'm sorry to say that all hope is lost. He will need to be put down so he doesn't suffer any longer.

In four weeks time, please take extra caution when walking through smokey alleys. It is well known that Australian couples and families always take leisurely strolls through dark smokey alleys over the Christmas season. She could be there waiting.

If you spot Dirty Diana she is highly dangerous so I urge you, don't approach her!

Please watch the below factual documentary to see specific details of Dirty Diana in action.
Warning - The documentary includes evidence of smokey alleys, leg gaps, leather pants, ripped shirts, big fuzzy hair, and the deadly pelvic thrust!


  1. I got an email from her too!

    1. Excuse me, but did you go to St Marys College ?

    2. The person who commented above is pretty rad in my opinion

  2. Ok thanks for letting me know. It seems she is doing the rounds. Have you checked in with hubby? Has he also recieved an email? She might be looking for someone to pick her up at the airport!

  3. Love your blog! I'm following you back from the blog hop! I'll be back and I feel for you, it took me and my husband about 14 years to become engaged and then bam, twins 5 months later. Sending good thoughts your way!

  4. LOL - this is just what I needed to make me smile this afternoon while trying to make it until home time !!!!!

    I will be sure to send her to the middle of nowhere if she turns up on the Gold Coast (now I have a clear understanding of what she is trying to achieve !!!)

    Have a great weekend and I hope someone can make you smile today.

  5. Glad you had a good smile to get through the afternoon :-))

    I'm glad you're watching the Gold Coast for any signs of Dirty Diana!
    Just don't approach her too quickly, she can get flighty and if she runs and hides, it's too difficult to find her again.

  6. So she only likes books that have already been read??? So no doubt we'll find her scuttling about in second-hand book shops when she gets here?!

    TOO funny.

  7. hahaha!! Excellent bit of detective work!! I will get some people to stakeout the bookshops. She's bound to turn up there at some point :-))

  8. HAHAHA i got one of these emails also..............