In New Zealand, Lord Daa Doo and I ended every day with a few drinks.
1. We were on holidays
2. New Zealand wine/beer is pretty friggen good
3. We had to keep warm
4. No TV
5. We deserved it after the stress of the wedding
6. A Honeymoon is thirsty work
7. I tripped and it accidentally fell in my mouth
8. Lord Daa Doo tripped and accidentally spilt a bottle of wine in my mouth
During one such Sauvignon Blanc fueled night. Lord Daa Doo and I started to make plans for our four day stay in Queenstown. We talked about some adrenalin activities such as White Water Rafting and Bungee Jumping.
Lord Daa Doo looked at me and said. "You would be too scared to do that."
I scoffed. Snot and wine came out of my nose. "I could do that" I replied, with wine induced confidence.
"No you couldn't" he challenged.
"YES I could!!! I will bungee jump!!"
"I'm going to record this" He responded.
Lord Daa Doo got out his mobile phone and hit the voice recorder.
I leaned towards his phone and slurred "I will jump the fuck out of that bungee!!"
The next morning we were wandering around Queenstown, and we came across the Canyon Swing shop.
"Lets do it!!" Lord Daa Doo said.
"No they won't have any available spaces, you need to book days in advance" I attempted to avoid the situation.
Lord Daa Doo dragged me in. While I scowled, sulked, pleaded and cringed, Lord Daa Doo enquired at the counter. I looked around the store and watched a TV screen showing idiots jumping into the canyon. This is what I heard. "Oh there are two spots available? For this afternoon? I'll take them!!" It was at that point, a bit of sick came up into my mouth.
For the rest of the day I was a wreck. I was dreading the afternoon and I just couldn't enjoy myself. I walked around with the sickest feeling in my stomach. We went for a ride on the Skyline Queenstown Gondola and at the top we stood on the viewing platform and indulged in a panoramic view of Queenstown and surrounds. From the viewing platform we could see a girl getting harnessed for a bungee jump. She was squealing and whinging. They were trying to console and encourage her. "Come on You can do it!!" After an eternity of encouragement and whining we heard the sounds of a harness being undone and next minute the girl came bounding out crying hysterically and proceeded to vomit in the bushes. I understood how that girl felt as she clung to her boyfriend sobbing.
The afternoon arrived quickly and we headed back to the Canyon Swing shop to face our fear. We were weighed and received a drawing on our hand that must've represented our weight. Mine were some very skinny size zero mountains. Soon we were crammed on a minibus to Shotover Canyon with 6 giggling girls with an average age of 19.
Lord Daa Doo really enjoyed the bus ride. A combination of being the only gentleman on board as well as enjoying my fear. All I remember about the bus trip was feeling like I wanted to pee. I started to get paranoid. What if I wet myself on the way down?.... or even worse.... what if I poo'd my pants!??!!!! I had visions of becoming one of those horrid YouTube videos that show a girl bungee jumping with a big brown stain on the back of her pants!! When we finally arrived I was the first to run into the portaloo, to remove any potential of becoming a bad YouTube video.
All of us were harnessed up. The young ladies jumped off one by one. Each one of them squealed, jumped up and down with bouncy bosoms, and clapped their hands delightfully in support. I stood back, bit my nails and swore. I can't believe I was about ot do this. I couldn't back down. I had to maintain my credibility. There was no way in hell those young bouncy girls were going to show me up!! I had my pride. I didn't want to be the chicken thowing up girl.
It was my turn. I chose a jump called 'The Chair.
In my mind I imagined it would be like a big easy swing. I would be seated comfortably in a chair and swing out over the canyon and admire the view. Weeeeeeeeeee!!!.
I was fucking wrong.
The team at The Shotover Canyon Swing make safety paramount. Their job however is to scare as much shit out of you as much as possible. The harness you up and fuck with your mind. They make ambiguous comments about the safety harnesses which makes you question if they have connected you up correctly!! They build on that fear and the anticipation.
I had to sit on the chair and tip myself over backwards. My little short legs could barely touch the ground, let alone tip myself. They just stared and taunted me while I tried.
Anyway watch the video. You will notice I am so scared I barely make a sound. Please note the laugh very early on. ITS FAKE!!
I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!!