Sunday, November 4, 2012

Lady Advice and Etiquette - The Office Slacker

 I am often sought out for my ladylike wisdom and am always willing to provide some good ladylike advice.

I recently had a question on my Facebook page asking for advice.
Lady Amie asked:
Lady Daa Doo, I need advice- how would you suggest I 'encourage' a colleague to lift her game? What would a lady doo?
 First of all, thank you for asking such an important question Lady Amie. I am sure many ladies are faced with similar situations. This type of problem is not limited to the office, but can be found in most working environments or even in some marriages. Often the 'Slacker' will start out well, they look busy, they appear productive, but after a period of time the cracks start to show.
 Here are a couple of my suggestions on how to handle or encourage 'The Office Slacker'.
1. Take a digestive approach, offer to do the sandwich run and pick up every one's lunch. Take some preprepared crushed caffeine tablets and sprinkle this generously through The Slacker's lunch. The Slacker will be so wired on caffeine, they won't be able to keep still. If you get the quantities right, they might even be prepared to do a double shift, so have some of your extra work ready to give them.
2. Use your imagination to create the perfect dream job and type up a false job advertisement. Show The Slacker this fake job, and tell them it how perfect it is for them. Make sure the job advertisement clearly states that a high level of performance in their current position will be critical in being considered for the role. Therefore, you will need to make sure the job is internal and within the company.
What you should find is The Slacker will start to perform better because they will feel their success is reliant upon their work performance.   This option can have some drawbacks, because if they start to perform very well, you could end up looking like The Slacker in comparison.
3. Encourage The Slacker to go to the pub for lunch. As they are a Slacker, this step should be easy because they would be keen for a long lunch. Ask them to go early, order some drinks and save a table for yourself and 9 of your colleagues. Give The Slacker $50 so they can pay for the drinks and let them know you and all the colleagues will be there soon.
Now the trick to this step is that there's no planned lunch. Once The Slacker has left for the pub, ask your boss for a confidential chat. Speak to your boss and tell them that The Slacker has a drinking problem, has gone to the pub and you are very worried about them. Make the suggestion that your boss should go to the pub to see for him/herself. 
Your boss will go to the pub and will catch The Slacker sitting at a table with a lot of drinks. If it all goes to plan, The Slacker will be pulled back into line and become micro-managed.  This should get The Slacker working hard.  
You might need to mention to your boss in advance that The Slacker has been covering up their drinking problem with lies. That way if The Slacker tries to tell the boss that the drinks were for 10 colleagues the boss will think The Slacker is lying. 
4. Try the odour approach. This approach has been used by dog trainers in order to stop problem dogs from barking. I am sure you have heard of the "Citronella Collar" where a squirt of citronella shoots out whenever the dog barks.
When dealing with the The Slacker, it can be a rather challenging to get a collar around their neck, so you will have to source the odour from elsewhere. My suggestion - crop dusting!!
Wander around the office and silently, yet delicately, leave a odour that will deter The Slacker from loitering in areas that encourage laziness. 
When The Slacker is loitering near the water cooler at 11am on a Tuesday still talking about their weekend, crop dust them!! If The Slacker is hanging around the lunchroom at 4pm still reading the newspaper they started at 12:30pm - crop dust them!!
If you master this technique, you should be able to manoeuvre The Slacker so they are only able to escape the odour in their 'work area'. This will encourage them to get off their arse and do some work. 
Please be warned - this approach will only work best if you work in a busy environment with a lot of people. If it is just the two of you, it is very obvious who the crop dust culprit is and as we all know, a lady never ever ever passes wind.
Lady Amie, I hope this has helped you with a couple of ideas to encourage The Slacker. 
As always, I am available to provide any type of advice or solution to help you with any problem you may have. No problem is too big or too small. 
Please ask your question here or here. I will respond with genuine ladylike advice.



  1. Such sage advice Lady Daa Doo. You have such an insight into people's minds. These tactics could work in any situation methinks.

    1. Thank you sleepybarbie I like to think I have real insight. It just comes naturally xx

  2. My dear Lady Daa Doo,
    I cannot thank you enough for your words of wisdom. My only regret is that I am not pregnant as a good 8-monther fart would be most efficacious for crop dusting my colleague (though a nine-monther may kill her). Unfortunately I shall have to make doo with whatever weapons I have in my ARSE-nal. Thus tonight I shall be feasting on cabbage, sprouts and beans.
    I did consider the long lunch plan but sadly I believe she may already be indulging in hip-flask hijinks whilst on her hourly "ciggy-breaks'. As for caffeine, she already loads up on her uppers, in fact the break room is her favorite hideout.
    Yours in lady-ness,
    Lady Amie

    1. You are most welcome lady amie. From your comment I can see you have chosen option four, that's a great choice. Best wishes and best of luck in handling that slacker. I would love to hear how it goes, so please stop by my Facebook page and give me an update xx

  3. LOL - as always, a laugh a line !!!
    Have the best weekend !

    1. It makes my day to make people laugh. Have a great weekend as well!! Xx

  4. Excellent advice! My office is my house. Do you think 'crop dusting' will work on a two-year-old?! x

    1. mmmmm good question Emily, I'm not sure about anyone under the age of 5. If you could test it out and let me know that'd be great :-)))

  5. Hahahha great advice! Crop dusting. Better make sure it's silent!

    1. That's a good tip Gia and I'd forgotten to mention it. It had better be silent or the game is up :-)

  6. Haha this is AMAZING. I love the caffeine pil one xxx