Bridesmaid Feet Transplant

It's now 83 days until the wedding and the most recent listed activity I ticked the shit out of, was finding shoes for the bridesmaids. This was so difficult and one of the most challenging tasks I've ever completed. This might seem simple to you. Shoe shopping easy!! Well it's not easy. Firstly, it was difficult to get a gaggle of girls all together at the same time. Secondly you should see what I had to work with!!

As a comparison, here is a quick shot of my feet. Sorry about them being in such bad shape. I wasn't expecting for them to be photographed.

This is what I had to work with.....

Head Bridesmaid

This is after a pedicure!!!!                                                                                                     

Bridesmaid Two

Not enough NADs in a jar for this one                                                                                    

Bridesmaid Three

She offered to do my manicure for my big day. I impolitely declined and told her to fuck off.

I had always wondered why I never saw my bridesmaids wearing thongs or sandals. I just assumed they preferred boots  all year round. How was I able to find shoes to go on these feet??


 IF my bridesmaids had feet like mine, It'd be easy to find shoes for them. Here's another shot of my foot, sorry about their poor condition, I'd just been outside gardening and got a flower caught between my toes.

Anyhow, I  put on my big arsed bridezilla attitude and ordered them to wax, clip and undertake major feet transplant surgery. Thank you to all the models who kindly donated their feet for this good cause. Sorry you had to wake up the next morning with a bad hangover and discover your shoe modelling career is over. With your new feet, can I suggest a new career in horror films?

 Here is our success! Here the shoes we have chosen.

Success - Nude Glitter

 They look beautiful and are just so twinkly!!  I am so glad this task has been ticked of the Wedding Shit List! 

Genetic Taffeta

I have a little gift for you my little Valentines. Today I'm linking up with Glowless to share what I love most about myself. You get to find out a little bit more about me!
Yes.  I can see you jumping up and down and clapping your hands with delight!!

I considered expressing the love for myself in the form of Liturgical dance, however I realised that my leotard was still in the wash and I didn't wish to force you to watch a Madonna style routine by a short lady wearing a fluro leotard covered in bacon and egg stains. (Yes, I wear my leotard to Sunday breakfast...don't you?)

I was inspired by Madam Bipolar to express myself fashionably.  Here I am expressing my love with a photo of myself that has a shitload of writing around it.

 Now you're probably wondering "Where in the hell did you get that dress!! It's fucking beautiful. I want one!"

The answer to that is nowhere. This dress forms part of my genetic makeup. I was born in this dress, complete with a full head of frizzy hair covered in baby's breath.

In fact this is my first baby photo taken in 1974. I was fashionably advanced for my age and was born in the 70's dressed like the 80s. The doctors were amazed, my mother was screaming. Well she did just push out a rather large lavender taffeta clad baby complete with purple stilettos. I also believe she got a rather nasty infection from the baby's breath.

Happy St. Valentines Day!! What do you love about me yourself?

I'm Hangry!!!

Yesterday I felt fat and was in a filthy mood.  For the last four weeks, I've been eating healthy shit and have not really lost weight.

I was angry because I haven't had chocolate for four weeks!!

I was angry because I was premenstrual and I was on a diet AND couldn't have chocolate!!

I was angry because I just wanted to eat the fuck out of a Tim Tam and I was premenstrual and I was on a diet AND I couldn't have chocolate!!

I was angry because Lord Daa Doo responded to my whinging with "have a drink of water, that will fill you up".

NO!!! I do NOT want a drink of water! I want a family block of Caramello and it's your fault I can't have one!!  Waaaaaaah!!


I was hungry and angry.  I was hangry!!

Now being hangry is far worse than being just angry or hungry. Many ladies experience a feeling of hangriness at some stage in their life. Many ladies will continue to experience hangriness without realising it. Hangriness is more common with ladies in the midst of a weight loss program. Hangriness can be experienced at any time of the day, at any location. It doesn't discriminate against age or race, or economic status.


Here are some celebrities that suffer from acute hangriness.

Lindsay has survived on cigarettes, vodka and lettuce. No wonder she's hangry

No amount of macro food can satisfy this queen of hangry

Posh spots a McDonald's

Kate makes hangry look cool

Naomi reacts when her personal assistant offers a cheeseburger

 How to tell if you are a hangry sufferer.

1. You google pictures of chocolate and find yourself licking the screen whilst screaming and sobbing all at the same time.

2. You want to punch the person next to you who orders a multi grain salad sandwich with no butter. Why don't you just order dry bread!! Fuck it! Why don't you just order air or dust!!

3. You wake up in the middle of the night to find you've been sleepeating. You wake up and discover yourself next door, in front of the neighbours fridge, eating their child's birthday cake with no hands (and completely naked). Acute hangriness is apparent if you shrug your shoulders and say "I don't give a fuck" and proceed to consume all the lolly bags for the next days party.

4. When feeding the dog, you think the dog food smells good. You curl your lip and growl at the dog when he goes near the dog bowl.


5. You sniff the air and say "Mmmmm that smells soooo delicious. What are you cooking?" The person next to you says "Nothing. I farted."



These are only some of the signs of hangriness, This ailment can manifest itself in many forms. There is a cure, but it's as sure as hell not fucking lettuce leaves!!

Krazy Keywords!!!

I'm absolutely fascinated by the Google machine! You can type absolutely anything imaginable and crazy and it will return results.

I'm fascinated by the things people search for on the Google machine! There are some friggin weirdos out there!

One of my favourite things to do is to check my blog stats and see the keywords people have used to find my blog.

I had a look at last week, and here are the keywords that people have used to find my page!! Friggin hilarious!! My favourite is the last one - vintage fat tea lady breasts!

What does it say about my content!!!!

What is the funniest or strangest keyword that someone has used to find your blog?

Wordless Wednesday - Silent Smooch

Picture taken by The Fabulous Froxy (Frost and Roxburgh)

Lord & Lady Daa Doo seal their engagement with a silent smooch!