The Road to El Dorando

My job involves travel around regional NSW and it's always a delight to discover new places and experience all the country has to offer.

Last week I travelled to Dubbo, which is famous for ummmm ahhhhh ...... having a zoo? Anyhow not important. What is important is on the way back home, I made a stop at a little place called Merriwa. This tiny town is famous for the Festival of the Fleeces, a fabulous celebration of sheep dressed in red socks. It must be a real challenge to put socks on sheep, I can imagine they'd be kicking and bleating. Though I can see why they do it. It does look impressive and red is definitely a sheep's colour!!

I'm too sexy for my fleece

Unfortunately I was not able to coincide my stop at Merriwa with the Fleece Festival, but my stop was made extra special with an experience at The El Dorando Motel!!

This Spanish/Mexican style motel is a real treat for visitors,  it has a variety of comforts and decorative features that are sure to please and suit any taste. During my stay I took the opportunity to snap some photos of this lovely establishment. I thought I would tantalise you with what the El Dorando Motel has to offer. 

As soon as I drove in and saw the sign, I started craving Tacos. I wonder why?

Do you like to BBQ?  If so, then the El Dorando can satisfy that BBQ urge!! One of the motel's special facilities is the BBQ Area. This allows guests to grill their own lamb chops but remember to remove red socks first. The BBQ is guaranteed to stay in the same location, so you never need to worry about losing that BBQ. Just be careful you don't trip over the chain when going back for that second  helping of sausage.

Great BBQ Area for your next party!

When using BBQ, be careful you don't trip over the chains.

 

Are you feeling stressed from driving hundreds of kilometres? Do you like to bathe luxuriously and still save the environment? If so than the El Dorando is perfect for you! The motel offers the most luxurious bathing experience. Wash away your stress by showering in a well fitted bathroom that offers the weary traveller a water conservation experience. Not only can you re-live fabulous shower moments by being surrounded with decor from the the sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties and naughties, but the trickle of water that runs down your back will give you peace of mind you are doing the right thing for the environment. As an additional time saving feature, visitors to El Dorando can use the toilet, wash their hands, and dry their hair all at the same time. This allows guests to spend more time enjoying the sights.

Shower for all ages

Dry your hair while you drop the kids

Do you like to be surrounded in style? 

I know I do. Who doesn't?

At the El Dorando you will be spoilt, stunned, turned around and spanked by style.


All good things come in pairs. Breasts, butt cheeks, eyes, and ears are just a couple of examples. At the El Dorando you can get a pair of vinyl chairs to add to that list!! These black beauties are a real feature. Just be careful you don't sit down in your hot pants, otherwise you might stick to them. It could be awkward to head to the 'Chook and Chips' for dinner with a chair attached to your arse!
Another pair of beauties are the gold lamps. These dazzling additions, will brighten your evening and provide the extra benefit of giving your face a golden tan while you read.

The El Dorando takes pride in utilising coordinating colours. Your bedspread will match the bedhead, which will match the carpet, which will match the towels which will match the curtains which will match the face washers. which will cycle back and match the bedspread. It all appears to be done effortlessly. That's what true style is, effortless!!

 I had a marvellous stay at the El Dorando Motel, and I cannot wait to discover other new treasures in my travels.

If there is one downside to this motel, it is this. YOU MAY NEVER WANT TO LEAVE YOUR ROOM.

Lady Advice and Etiquette - Dumping Your Gentleman Visitor

There will come a time in a lady's life when that regular gentleman visitor is no longer required, desired or needed. There are two options when it comes to breaking up with your gentleman visitor. The direct approach is for you to dump him. The second is indirect and involves creating situations so he ends up dumping you.


Direct Approach. 
So you are considering taking the direct approach? This flexible approach can be implemented in a number of ways. It can be face-to-face, by a third party, or can incorporate social media and technology.

1. Change your facebook relationship status back to 'single'. You can make this technique powerful, by letting your close friends know in advance and asking them to comment on this status as soon as it changes. They can add comments such as "About time, he was a loser" or "I never liked him anyway".  In addition , you can arrange for one of your male friends to comment with "Great news babe, now we can be together. C U 2nite sexy! xoxoxo <3".  Just make sure your male friend is big and strong, just in case the ex gets a bit angry.

2. Send a text message. If you want to avoid a face to face confrontation, this is a great technique that can be implemented at any time of the day, night and also when shitfaced drunk. You can also add creative and dramatic flair. For a bit of fun (and a free meal), invite him out to dinner and after the main meal, excuse yourself so you can go powder your nose. Whilst in the powder room, hit send on the text letting him know he's dumped. Sneak out and hide behind the pot plants (or the fish tank if you are in a Chinese restaurant), and be amused by his stupid shocked face. To avoid a scene I would recommend you hightail it out of there. A suggestion would be to exit out the toilet window.

3. Go retro and ask a lady friend to dump him on your behalf. This technique is similar to a popular technique utilised in many high schools for decades. To add an even more retro flavour, get your friend to pass him a handwritten note which has been torn from a foolscap notebook with the words "you're dropped!"

4. The lipstick technique. Put on your bright red lipstick and throw down two fingers of scotch. Stand tall, proud and tell him to his face. Here are some suggested lines you might like to use:

"We can't see each other anymore. I've been seeing someone else and they told me I had to choose. Besides, your dad doesn't snore as loud as you".

"I use to think size didn't matter... but it just can't continue. I'm leaving you for bigger and better things."

" I will have to break up with you, My ex-boyfriend Gazza is back. He finished serving his sentence and would love to meet you.

"I really like you, but my parole officer doesn't, so it will never work".

If that doesn't suit, try the:


Indirect Approach

This is more of a passive aggressive technique, but you can be very creative and have lots of fun!  Here are a couple of suggestions to get you started.

1. Stalk and Snog Technique.
Stalk your soon to be ex and track his whereabouts. Put on the ghastly jumper he bought you for Christmas (so he can recognise you) and position yourself somewhere where you can be seen. Stand facing the wall, wrap your arms around yourself, and rub your hands up and down your back, make loud groaning and kissing noises while pretending to make out. From a distance it will look like you are snogging someone, he will think you're cheating and will dump you. Just don't let him get too close otherwise he will realise you're on your own. However, this could work out in your favour, he might think you are too weird and dump you anyway.

2. The Rancid Technique.
Bad smells can be a turn-off, so go to the supermarket and purchase vast quantities of the following:

• Onion
• Eggs
• Baked Beans
• Cabbage
• Garlic
• Raw Prawns

Consume all of the ingredients constantly for a fortnight, except for the prawns, which you will need to keep under your armpits. Make sure you take every opportunity to breathe over your unwanted gentleman visitor. You will know this technique is working, if he starts dry retching and makes excuses about why he can't kiss you. After two weeks, he won't be able to tolerate it.
If you have a job, I would suggest you try this technique while on annual leave as there is a high risk of upsetting work colleagues, and you could find  yourself unemployed.


3. The Rancid Technique - Upsized! 
Put a fish in your pants for a week. I don't think I need to elaborate on what this one will do.


4. The Bloody Scrapbook Technique.
Show him your scrapbook of various childbirth photographs you have collected over the years. This will have greater impact if you take it to show his family and schedule the viewing for just after Christmas lunch. A variation is to create a slide show with music so you can display it on the family TV.
Add a your own personality by naming each of the photographs after his family members. For instance, "The Julie" or "The Linda" or "Nanna".  You can also ask them to pick their favourite and offer to reenact it as you start to remove your trousers. I guarantee you will be kicked out and dumped before you even get the chance to unzip your fly.

5. The Itch Technique.
Start scratching your groin - a lot! When you are out together in public places, complain loudly about an angry red rash at every opportunity. If you are at a restaurant, scratch your groin, and then with the same hand, start picking at his food. For authenticity, this technique can be greatly enhanced if you combine it with technique 3.


For all those ladies out there who are looking to get rid of that unwanted gentleman visitor, these techniques will give you great success.
You could even try some of these techniques to get rid of unwanted family members or unwanted visitors.

What technique have you used to dump an unwanted gentleman visitor?