Thursday, September 26, 2013

Twerking as Therapy: A Brief History



The latest natural therapy sweeping the globe is Twerking. This recently sensationalised technique has many applications that may improve physical and mental health. Twerking advocates rave about the healing properties of a good old fashioned Twerk.

Mrs. Smitten delicately Twerks


Mrs. Gloria Smitten, has a blog titled The Twerking Housewife and is considered world class in the domestic application of Twerking. Mrs. Smitten leads a wholesome life filled with family and Twerking. She testifies that "daily Twerking is the secret to youth and vitality".  She goes on to claim that Twerking is for the whole family. "We Twerk first thing in the morning, and before each meal. My children would rather Twerk than watch TV."





 
Dr. Alabaster cures his wind problem
Doctor Alabaster, leading scientist at the Institute of Twerking, has spent many years researching the discipline of Twerking. He has conducted numerous experiments and assures me he only tests on himself,  never on animals. Doctor Alabaster has discovered that Twerking may be responsible for the treatment of many ailments and says "I have have been in the Twerking industry for almost 45 years and have seen things that would blow your mind. Twerking can cure many things such as impotency, the common cold, dyslexia, wind problems and even constipation".
Doctor Alabaster believes that society would function more effectively if mandatory Twerking was enforced. Doctor Alabaster believes this should start at the top with the Government. He thinks the G8 Summit would be a good place to start.





Mrs. Brickner lacks arse
The notion that Twerking has medicinal properties has been faced with criticism. Critics claim the Twerking technique is vulgar, lewd and offers no health benefits. Mrs. Brickner of the Anti-Twerking Party has lashed out at the Twerking movement claiming to have scientific proof that Twerking "has no medicinal qualities and is nothing more than a disgusting dance that makes young people want to have sex". These critics have been discredited after it was discovered Mrs. Brickner and her party fabricated scientific evidence and were nothing more than jealous people who lacked an arse.




A Brief History of Twerking


Ancient Egypt - Contrary to popular belief, Twerking is not a new craze. Twerking has played a part in history. The earliest accounts of Twerking have been found depicted on ancient Egyptian papyrus during the Early Dynastic Period. Ancient Egyptian Twerking was considered ceremonial to help the deceased's soul traverse through the Underworld.


Roman Empire - Around 25 BC, during the Roman rule of Egypt, Twerking was incorporated into Roman society. As a result, Twerking swept through the Roman Empire and reached Europe, Asia and Africa.
Twerking has been used in many societies to celebrate life and death. Twerking has been used to cure ailments and win battles. Some scholors believe William the Conqueror used an army of Twerkers to win the Battle of Hastings in 1066.


Twerking in the Roman Empire

The Dark Ages - During this period, information on the art of Twerking was lost for a number of centurys. Twerking was rediscovered during the Italian Renaissance and it is believed Leonardo da Vinci's extensive understanding of human anatomy can be contributed to a love of Twerking.


Today- In recent times Twerking has been misinterpreted; linked to vulgarity and promiscuity. In fact nothing could be further from the truth. Twerking as therapy is a great way to revitalise and change lives. The resurgence of Twerking has provided scientists with a breakthrough to utilise this technique to change the world.

In a series of articles titled Twerking as Therapy, I will look at a number of options so you can Twerk your way to better health, youth, vitality and well being.

Twerking is for everyone!!






14 comments:

  1. I think twerking therapy is definitely for me. I also heard there was evidence of both Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn twerking in the 1500's xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've started my daily Twerking therapy and I feel so good. Interesting fact about Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn!! I'm not surprised he was a Twerker.

      Delete
  2. The relics from antiquity are incontrivertible evidence that twerking is not a passing fad. I stake my planking photo collection on it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Ed. That is a collection I would love to see. I have a collection too. Maybe we can swap. I'm looking for the rare 1954 Marilyn Munroe plank. I'd definately swap that for the 1992 limited edition Paul Keating plank.

      Delete
  3. The Twerking Housewife is the blog I have been looking for all my life, without really realising it! I am shocked at how many twerking opportunities I have missed around the house - but not any more! You have my undying gratitutde for bringing Mrs Smitten and her blog to my attention :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was so filled with joy when I discovered Mrs Smitten. She really has good advice.

      Delete
  4. Obviously a cultural movement of immense import hehe.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow, it sounds like all the cool people are twerking, I must get into it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not only does it make you look cool, but it keeps you in great shape

      Delete
  6. Thanks for the twerking big smile on my face!!!!!!! I have just signed up to get your shiz in my mailbox as I need a laugh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers Emily! Thanks for signing up!! I know have a subscriber woo hooo!!!

      Delete
  7. This is the answer to my life. Twerking. Now if I could only find my arse!
    p.s. Where have you been? I'm your newest Daa Doo fan. Love your banner too Lady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been lurking around hiding in the dark Becci :-)
      I will keep my eye out for your arse. It might be somewhere nearby. Have you tried whistling for it?
      Thanks for the like :-)

      Delete

.