Friday, December 19, 2014

The Seasonal Scoffer



I've made a few decisions about what I put in my body. I'm not referring to inanimate objects, I'm talking food!!!

Over the last few years I've become a bit fat. About 25kgs fatter than I should be. I attribute this to feeling rather sad about miscarrying babies. My response to grief is to shovel food down my throat. Of course I'm not talking kale or carrots, nooooo I wasn't reaching out to scoff dehydrated zucchini chips and grain free granola. I'm talking shitty, sugary, fatty chocolate with a rather large side of salt & vinegar chips!!

I knew it was wrong and was a bit embarrassed about my shoveling, so I often did it in the solitude of my bedroom, when no one else was around.

Things had become pretty fucking ridiculous! Not only did I have to keep buying clothes the next size up, but I couldn't fit them in my cupboard or dresser, because of all the wrappers!! I also kept getting woken by a mouse who was scurrying and rustling, trying to eat the crumbs. Odds are he would've left hungry and disappointed, as I'm sure I would've licked everything clean!

When I cleaned out my dresser drawers, amongst loads of chocolate and chip wrappers, I discovered the evidence of 2 completely devoured boxes of chocolates, complete with last years Xmas wrapping paper. These were meant to be gifts for someone else and it's something I was guilty of every year!!!! If you've ever received a box of chocolates from me, chances are it's the second or third box I've had to purchase because I'd get overcome by temptation and I'd unwrap and eat those chocolates!!

The cupboard and drawers were not the only hiding places for discarded wrappers. I found under the bed a Tupperware container filled with coloured foil. Aaaah Easter 2012!!! - I'd eaten a big bag of Cadbury mini eggs. Can I just say that those mini eggs are bastards and if you are an experienced scoffer you'd understand how painful those mini eggs are to unwrap!! They are no good when you are after a good quick scoff. I guarantee I've eaten just as much foil as chocolate!! Look out if you have fillings in your teeth!!


Did Lord Daa Doo know he married a scoffer? Yes I'm sure he did, but it was unspoken. He would've seen the chocolate around my mouth and heard the rustling as I ran from the pantry to the bedroom with a suspicious looking chip shaped bulge down my pants, or boobs the shape of a family block of Caramello chocolate.
It was unspoken. He was too polite to mention it. Well maybe not polite! He was scared!! Would you confront a crazy screaming woman with chocolate streaked on her face like war paint who is high on sugar, artificial colours AND flavours ??????
He's a smart man!


Anyway, I've made a decision and have said no more!! I've started a journey of eating foods that nurture rather than punish. The good news is, I've lost 8.5 kgs so far and am starting to feel great!

This Xmas, I've promised I will not unwrap and eat the gifts.

Have you ever opened a gift you bought for someone else in order to eat it? Are you a scoffer too?

10 comments:

  1. What a great effort! I have to say I'm a bit of a scoffer right now and have put on about 8.5kg - it's my plan not to do anything about it until January - probably a lame thing to do but I'm too selfish to give up my scoffing until all my socialising is over for the year! But then it's game on like Donkey Kong - I won a juicer that I haven't used so will put all the vegetables that I never get around to cooking in it! I also have a pair of perfectly good legs that need WALKED. Merry Christmas and keep up the hard work!

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    1. Merry Christmas to you Em! I hope you've got some leashes for those legs of yours. If they have't been walked for a while, they might be a bit out of control!!

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  2. I'm definitely a scoffer and have found myself in a similar situation with clothes buying and wrapper hiding...I love your comment on "boobs shaped like a caramello bar" hahahaha...It is all catching up to me and I want to change but then I also like the perma-sedation euphoria sugar has provided me, it's hard to deal with life at times. Thanks for the inspiration..we can do this!

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    1. Hello Heidi! Yes we can do this! I'm also glad you understand. :-))

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  3. Yes! I'm an emotional scoffer! Trying to change the way we think about food is harder than running uphill in a poorly constructed and I'll-fitting sports bra (though all of the slaps to my face help shoo flies away). Well done Daa Doo, you're incredible and so very adored. A brave post.

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    1. Thank you Amie. Its good your boobs double up as a milk producing fly swat!

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  4. Love Love Love Adore Adore Adore chocolate. The thing that annoys me about weight is that it takes no time to put on but a lot of bloody hard work, sweat and tears to get it off. So CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss so far. 8.5 is huge. You go girl!

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    1. Thank you, I'm very proud of the 8.5 :-)

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  5. Congrats! Great effort. I quit chocolate last year (which was more to do with general health and the acknowledgement that a block a day is disgusting than it was to do with weight) and really struggled at first. Now, I honestly think that I couldn't even finish a Mars bar! Mmmmm, Mars bar... focus Emily. x

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    1. I know how much you love chocolate! Well done on quitting. It's like an addiction and once you stop it's amazing how sickly sweet it tastes!

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